PART THREE (revised)
August 2nd is an important date to us.
Rewind to 2007. This was the date we handed back baby “Faith.”
Fast forward to 2008. This marked the date we went to the temple with our two beautiful children to be acknowledged through God and sealed together as an eternal family.
(Our family is of the LDS faith. We strongly believe in the eternal nature of families. So, therefore, this date was very special and important to us).
Who would have thought that so much could happen in one year? We sure didn’t. Would we do it all again? Absolutely. Ten times over. It humbles me completely to think about how God works. And to be able to be a part of His miracles is incredible and baffles me when I sit down to really think about it. He took what was our greatest sadness and turned it into something beautiful.
I love Chinese food. Not so much for the food as for the fortune cookies. What does this random thought have to do with anything? Well, at the beginning of our journey I opened a fortune cookie that read,
“Faith is knowing there’s an ocean when all you see is a stream.”
Oh those profound fortune-cookie makers. This fortune is not just a fortune. It is the truth. How grateful and truly humbled we feel to see God’s hand in guiding us. He gave us the faith we needed. Indeed. Because in the beginning all we had to go on was the sound of a stream.
For the last few months I have written and rewritten this part of our story. “Part Three” has been really difficult to write. Mainly because I feel it isn’t mine only to share. It is now my children’s story. It is theirs’ to own.
The birth of our children accompany many emotions, extreme joy and sacredness. Because this part of our story is incredibly precious and sacred to our hearts we will share bits and pieces and allow the sacred parts to remain in our hearts.
We were there for the birth of our beautiful children. We were there. I can’t wait for the day to tell them about their birth. And be able to describe it in detail. They were uniquely special and incredible moments. On the day our children were born, we had a glimpse of heaven. Peace, love and joy are words we say so frequently. We felt the depths of these words on their births.
There was so much love between all of us present. The hand of God was over all of us, no doubt. And the feeling He leaves in His presence is peace. Soft peace.
While each birth has a different story, the powerful feelings my husband and I felt when our children took their first breaths of life, were much the same. Nothing could have prepared my heart for the amount of love that immediately took hold. I will never forget these moments in time.
I wasn’t able to feel my children in my body for nine months. But they had no doubt been growing in my heart everyday from the moment we began this journey. And there have been many special moments in my life when I have felt them so near.
I wasn’t able to experience the miracle of giving birth to my children. And yet, I will have an experience of my child’s birth that very few moms have. For my son, I got to see him come into this world. I watched as his tiny little blonde head appeared. I looked at my hubby’s face to see pride, joy and humility and tears well up in his eyes. I literally felt as though my heart was going to burst out of my chest. My baby. I was in awe. It felt as though time was standing still and I could just stare and hold my precious child forever.
I will never forget the amount of love that filled my heart when I held my wide-eyed daughter for the first time. I did not think my heart was capable of feeling more love. And in the moment she was placed in my arms, there was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.
I will also never ever forget the amount of love and raw emotion that showed in our Birthparent's eyes when they handed us our baby.
We will forever be grateful to our Birthparents for this moment. We needed them at a time they needed us. This was our miracle.
It is because of their absolute love for Champ & Lovebug that we are a family. How do you possibly thank someone for this gift? There just aren’t words or even a gift appropriate enough. We would thank them by being the best parents to our precious children. We would thank them by honoring their name in our household. Our children will always know about their merciful heart and great courage. They will always know what love each Birthparent had to offer them a life with their family. And they will always know that they were meant to be in our family. It wasn’t just ‘a’ child that we were meant to parent. It was Champ and Lovebug specifically.
This experience was far beyond us. The more we grow, the more we learn from it.
People ask me all the time about our “open adoption.” It is not something I can quickly explain. I find myself at a loss explaining this special relationship between our Birthparents and us. How do you describe a relationship you have with your father, mother, sister or grandmother? Seriously! Just try putting that into words in a paragraph or less!
There is something mysterious to those unfamiliar with open adoption. It is not co-parenting. Far from it. Our open adoption is centered around our children. They will grow up always knowing about their special history. There is no secrecy or shame involved. Our Birthparents strengthen our role as our kid’s parents. And on the flip side, our openness serves to help our Birthparents find much healing. When done in balance and through much prayer, our open adoption benefits every single one of us.
Emma says it best,
“…Instead of being your mom I am going to be “your Emma.” I will always love you and think about you, but never will I have to worry about if you’re being taken care of and that is the most comforting thing.”
There is a bond that is formed. One that is in our hearts. All of our lives were made better the moment we found one another. And everyone’s was deepened the moment the child, we have for so long been waiting for, is born. We were all answers to one another’s prayers. Our relationship is built on trust, faith, respect and love. That is the best way I can explain it.
Our children will never have a doubt who their Mommy and Daddy are. They will always know how desperately we wanted them, prayed for them and treasure them. And they will always know how much their birthparents wanted for them, prayed for them and love them always.
Our adoption agency’s website is “It’s about love.” I always thought this was a corny title. But to me now, it is a very appropriate title about adoption. It may sound cheesy, but it is true, “It is all about love!”
Our birthmom, Daphne says it perfectly:
“It’s difficult for me to put into words how lucky I feel to be a part of such an amazing miracle. Throughout each of our struggles and tears, our Heavenly Father has made something so beautiful.”
When we began this journey our mindset was on us being parents. We end this journey realizing that our journey has only just begun! We can’t help but think that our children’s mission in life began long before they were born. Our children changed so many lives for the better even before their birth. They created so much love even before they took their first few breaths of life.
They are a miracle. The story of their birth is a miracle.
We can’t imagine our life without adoption. We thank God for allowing us to be a part of such an amazing, loving and miraculous journey.
This was something so beautiful.