Our Adoption Journey (part two)



An entire month passed. 

An entire month full of hope, happiness, anxiety, fear and many tears. My husband and I felt so excited for our son’s birth. And yet the fear part would kick in and we would be afraid to feel excitement, just in case…. It took all we had to push through our fear and embrace our story (as it was happening) without knowing what lay ahead.

At this stage of the adoption journey and speaking as an adoptive couple - we felt extremely vulnerable. We have put it all on the table. All of our hopes and dreams for our future rests in someone else’s hands. This can be such an uneasy feeling. And yet, I look at what our birthmoms were doing. They were putting all their faith and trust on the table that what they were feeling in us as their baby’s parents was right. It was an amazing feeling that was taking place. We were both in these very vulnerable positions and at the same time we couldn’t help but feel true peace. There is such a bond that is created in this moment between us. The hand of the Lord was working little miracles each and every day. Miracles that to some may seem everyday occurrences. But to all of us they were truly answers to our many prayers.

August 21, 2007. This was a great day. I take that back, this was a remarkable day.
Images of this day are forever in my mind just like it happened a few hours ago.

Let me take you back to August 20th. My husband and I were in Target. I love Target. (Not so much for my hubby though)! We were walking hand in hand down the aisles as we often do.

We passed the
“blue” aisle. We smiled thinking about what our son would look like. Would he have dark hair? Would he like sports? Would he be a leader? My husband was talking about how he looked forward to throwing the ball with his son and doing all the rites of passages that exist between a father and son. I too was daydreaming. I was dreaming of holding my baby and comforting him to sleep. Being there for him as he comes home from school.

Then we passed the
“pink” aisle. I stopped in my tracks. I couldn’t fight back the emptiness that filled my heart at not being able to talk about “us” and the “pink aisle!” Part of me just justified that I was feeling a pain from our failed adoption with Faith. And yet, I couldn’t shake the feeling in my heart. As the tears started trickling out of my eyelids I looked up at my husband who so tenderly held me next to his chest. I said, “I just feel like someone is missing.”

My husband gave me another squeeze and we continued on as I wiped my tears away. I’m sure we looked silly standing there in the aisles having such a tender moment while everyone is walking around buying things like corn, diapers and mascara! And yet, this moment was such a defining one for our family. We felt so strongly that we were going to have a son. And we also felt so strongly there was a “pink aisle” child to be a part of our lives. And
this thought just wouldn’t go away. We talk about this day in Target every once in a while. We call it our “Target moment.”

Back to August 21, 2007. My husband and I took the afternoon off to spend time together. We drove down to the Temple where we of course were late and had to wait a half hour before we could go in. It was such a nice way to step outside of the world (so to speak) and a way to feel true peace in our hearts.

As we were driving home my husband got a phone call. It was our caseworker (our new caseworker whom we loved). He asked to put both of us on the phone. Now, I stated this before, but I’ll say it again.
These words bring terror to my heart. The last time we heard these words…it wasn’t what I wanted to hear!!

My husband put his phone on speaker and as we continued driving down the freeway as our caseworker said something along the lines of, “ I have a young woman in my office who has chosen you. You’ve been selected.”

What?!!! Are you kidding?!!

Chosen, Selected, Yes!!! These are all words we were growing so accustomed to NOT hearing! They were so opposite of the words “failure” which were what we had been beaten with through our infertility journey and on! We couldn’t believe it! What a miracle indeed!

Our caseworker told us they were sitting there together and he asked us if we would like to talk to her. My husband told our caseworker that
we were amazingly enough only about two minutes from his office.

We hung up the phone and ……. silence. We could not believe this was happening. Again! This just doesn’t happen again! This is nothing but a miracle. Words cannot adequately describe the feelings of my heart in this moment.

We cried. There is only one word that comes to mind. And it doesn’t do justice. But here goes: Grateful.

Amidst all the tears that were welling up in me,
I had to keep asking my husband to pinch me. He was in utter shock as well. We arrived at the agency in record speed. As we walked in the door I beheld a beautiful woman dressed in a black shirt and jeans and wearing a pony tail (of which I have never seen her wear since) and had the biggest most beautiful smile on her face! Next to her was a handsome man wearing a hat and sitting right by her side.

I remember everything from that moment…including the clothes. As I said that image is seared in my brain. My heart was immediately put to rest to learn that the man sitting next to our beautiful angel was our birthfather. What another blessing to have him so involved. We knew this was another miracle in our journey.

We immediately hugged and began talking. It was as though we had known one another forever. I don’t know how long we talked but I will never forget the feeling of that moment. This was meant to be. Everything we had been feeling wasn’t made up. The Lord had a plan for us as a family. I always felt that miracles were things that happened to other people. And here we were experiencing our very own miracle. We have never been so humbled and so grateful and so beyond joy in our entire life.

We talked about so much. We wanted to learn all about them. I remember Daphne talking about how happy she was when she found our profile.
She took it with her everywhere and started showing friends. She was excited. I was so happy to hear her say this.

Tony was very sweet and quiet. But what he did say we could feel came from his heart. He said that he was right by Daphne’s side and would support her through every bit of it. And he is every bit a man of his word. We immediately loved him.

During our conversation Daphne (our birthmom) told us the date of her birthday. My husband and I looked at each other with a smile and surprise.
This was a special date we celebrated between us every single year. See, my husband and I were friends long before we officially started dating. We started dating with a kiss. The date of this kiss is the date we celebrate every year. And… is also the birthday of our birthmom and angel on earth!

When Daphne said she was having a girl, my heart leaped with joy. This was our missing piece!

We felt joy beyond measure that day. I love recalling this moment. And to this day, I still can’t figure out how everything worked out the way it did. Our caseworker knew about Emma. He knew that we were having a baby boy! Yet he felt strongly that he should show Daphne our profile. When Daphne and I talk about our story, she will always mention that our caseworker says, “I don’t know why I showed you their profile.” He may not, but we do. The Lord works in mysterious ways. And, as we have come to find out, we are usually the way He works through!

I guess it is worth mentioning. But, about a week before we met I felt a very strong urging to get our profile put back online. It had completely disappeared into a black hole the day we were selected by Lilly & Emma. Even the people in charge of the online profiles had no idea what happened. I kept getting this, what I can only describe, as a
very clear and very strong feeling to get it back online as soon as possible. I worked to redo our entire online profile. And then, I just left it. I understand now that those feelings of urgency must have stopped the moment that our caseworker gave our profile to Daphne. I have no doubt in my mind that had he not given her our profile, she would have found us online. This was another miracle that only I could feel in my heart. It was also a deep-seeded testimony to my heart that my Heavenly Father loved me and that He is real and He really cares about us individually in such a micro way. I have never grasped this so strongly than I did during this time. I always felt I had to be perfect to receive His help. And yet, I am so far from perfect. He truly loves every single one of us.

When we got home that day we were completely floored. We could barely speak. We shared the news with my parents. They couldn’t believe it either. We emailed Tony & Daphne as soon as we got home and settled. At the same time Daphne was writing one to us! Our letters describe best the feelings of our heart at this time so I thought I'd share:

We wrote to Daphne & Tony:

We just wanted to tell you both that we are so thrilled! We are so happy we happened to be driving by when you called and we were able to meet you in person. We hope it put your mind at ease as much as you did ours. We are completely humbled and overjoyed that you have chosen us to parent your baby. We understand this decision isn’t easy on your part and we commend you for putting aside your emotions and doing what you feel in your heart is the right thing for this baby and her future. We promise you that we will do everything in our power to provide a home to her full of security, unconditional love, opportunity and the chance to have the best that life has to offer.

We are looking forward to getting to know you better and developing a relationship with you! Please feel free to call us anytime or email us. We are an open book and would love to talk or answer any questions you might have!

Thank you for calling us today. It was an absolute answer to our prayers!
Mamma Mia & Hubby

Daphne wrote to us:

Ya know what's crazy?! I was writing the two of you an email right around the same time you sent yours but I obviously didn't send mine until now :) I get distracted!

Hey you two!

I don’t know if it’s too soon to write but I can't stop thinking about the two of you and how grateful I am we were able to meet! I feel like there was so much I had to say with so little time. I honestly can't express how excited I am that Heavenly Father lead me to you. It's been awhile since I've had a real spiritual experience but I know this is the most right decision I've ever made!  ... I’ve also always been taught that every child deserves a mother, and a father, who are married, stable, and ready for children. I’ve never witnessed a more perfect answer to my prayers than when I came across your profile. I fell in love with both of you the second I read it. Everything you said was exactly what I was searching for, and I can’t thank you enough for being the people you are. It might sound crazy, but I’ve been praying for both of you ever since the day I found out I was pregnant. It’s crazy how some things work out!


Mamma Mia to Daphne

Wow. I am writing this through my tears. I haven't stopped crying on and off since we met you.....but in a really good way! I am also soooo incredibly touched and completely humbled with what you had to say about Hubby and I. Ya know, being brought together so quickly into this circumstance creates so many emotions. I already feel so much love towards you.

I want you to know from the bottom of my heart that we are truly honored to be chosen as this baby girl's parents. تWe do not take that lightly and we feel an obligation to our Heavenly Father but also to you to provide this child with the very best that life has to offer so she can become everything she was meant to be.

You are giving us the greatest gift we could ever hope to receive in this life.

I am also happy to hear that this has been a prayerful experience for you too. We have also had some powerful experiences as we began this process and we know without a doubt that Heavenly Father cares so deeply for each one of us and He is definitely the guiding hand towards happiness, as long as we are willing to move our feet. That has been my greatest lesson through this so far.

Thank you so much for sharing with us more about yourself…

Can't wait to hear back from you!

Much Love,
Mamma Mia

These letters best describe our raw feelings at this time. For the next several months we took much time getting to know one another.  Our bond with one another was instant.   It is something that is very difficult to explain but felt so powerfully in our hearts.   

Another friendship transpired at this time. Emma & Daphne began corresponding. They have since become very close friends. One can only imagine the strength and bond that has developed between the two of them. Fast forward to last week Feb 21, 2008. Emma got married to the greatest guy! 

And right by Emma’s side as her maid of honor? Daphne!


Our Happy Family said...

I found your blog through the blog, Adoption....Changing lives from beginning to end. I had read your part one story and have been waiting to hear the next part. Wow, what a story so far!!!! I love to hear adoption stories and how Heavenly Father has his hand in all of it. As an adoptive mom myself I am so thankful to all of these birth parents out there. For them putting these children first. Thank you for sharing your story and I can't wait to read the next part.

mama of mama mia and hubby said...

Reading this story, crying all the way through it of course, with a few chuckles, takes me back to the day my daughter called and told me the good news. As she started to tell me, I knew what was coming, I sat down, and started to cry. As a parent, you believe there is no greater joy than your children, and then suddenly you watch your children have children, and your heart almost bursts with joy!! What an amazing story, and I'm thrilled to be the blessed mama of mama mia!! How I love my grandbabies!!!

Anonymous said...

I happen to have the pleasure of knowing mama mia and hubby personally. I live next door to her parents. They are 2 people who my husband I have known all along that they would make the best parents. We know their story first hand while it was happening. When "Faith" was taken away I think we all cried. My heart was really breaking for mama mia. I see them now with their "twins born at seperate times" and they all look so much alike we forget that they were adopted. They are truley blessed. They are great parents.

Neighbor of mama of mama mia and hubby

Andrea said...

What a beautiful story filled with hope. I can't wait to read part 3 :)

Rick & Liz said...

I can't wait to read part 3!! I found your blog on Adoption changing lives from beginning to end. What an inspiring story you have shared so far. My hubby and I are currently hoping to adopt and it's stories like this that get us through times where we feel like we are about to break. Thanks for sharing!

Shane, Megan, and CJ said...

Dying for part 3 and the link isn't working!

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