This remarkable woman, Angie Smith, found out at her 20 week ultrasound that the precious baby she was carrying would not live. The baby had many lethal conditions in the womb. This woman and her husband decided to carry the baby to delivery rather than release the baby from the womb.
The day before she was scheduled for a c-section she wrote her feelings. Her words are so raw and bring tears to my eyes. In the midst of her pain and despite her yearnings and pleadings with the Lord to let her keep this baby, she experienced the hand of God.
In her April 6, 2008 blog entry titled “He” she said,
"I sat in the silence. I closed my eyes and thought about who He is to me. What He has been to me, in the bitterness and in the joy. I felt like He was beside me, waiting. And in that moment, I felt myself rest. My mind was still. All I know is that without intending to, I smiled. It was the most ridiculous thing you could ever imagine, unless you know what I know. And I hope you do.
He is Lord. Only He. Not me, not Todd, not my doctors, not my parents.
We are never, ever alone. Even in the midst of our greatest pains and anguish He is right by our sides."
She went on to say,
"I want you to know, especially if you do not know the Lord, that He is real. This is not a fairy-tale coping mechanism that I rely on when I need to escape from reality. It is not something I do because it's nice to have a place to dress up for on Sunday mornings. It is my fervent prayer that somehow I can manage in this post to find a balance between not alienating people and sharing my heart. It's just that I don't know how people get through things like this without Him. I can barely choose stuffed animals without having a heart attack, and today, because of Christ, I am filled with peace. I pray the same for each of you as you walk through your own life."
Her touching words in a letter to her precious daughter who lived only but 2 ½ hours reads:
"Lord, you have shown me that when this life is empty, you will fill. You have walked with us in a way we could never have imagined. What seemed like a cross to bear has now taken the shape of a great blessing which we are honored to have been a part of. Thank you, Lord. You are the light of our lives, now and forever."
I am so inspired by her faith in the midst of her pain. I’m also grateful for her sharing her journey. Her blog entry from one year after her daughter’s passing says,
"There is such a difference between religion and relationship. I could not have survived without the latter, I assure you."
While we may have different religious beliefs, we share a common thread. Jesus Christ. He lives. He is real. And He is always right by our side. He is true peace. He is love. And this true peace is never felt as strongly, calmly and surely than when we involve him in our hour of great need. In our times of sadness, loneliness and confusion. He is always there.
I too, am very grateful for His hand in my life. He is my borrowed strength. May He always be.
To read more of her blog, visit….